


If serenity were a place, this place would be in your arms

by Mimisempai



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Love, M/M, Post-Episode: s16e13
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28865589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mimisempai/pseuds/Mimisempai
Summary: "Sonny had a favorite position when he shared a tender moment with Rafael. Rafael would sit at one end of the couch, and Sonny would lie on his back or side, feet over the armrest, Rafael's hand on his abdomen or on his hips."  But not tonight...
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 44
Collections: Barisi Art Challenge 1





	If serenity were a place, this place would be in your arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Subaruchan192](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Subaruchan192/gifts).



Sonny had a favorite position when he shared a tender moment with Rafael. Rafael would sit at one end of the couch, and Sonny would lie on his back or side, feet over the armrest, Rafael's hand on his abdomen or on his hips. 

Each time, after a few seconds, his hand would undoubtedly come back into Sonny's hair. Passing his fingers lightly through the ash blond locks, removing the remnants of hair product. Of course, in the intimacy of their life together, Rafael had many tender gestures, gestures that testified to the depth of his feelings for Sonny. But in Sonny's eyes, these were the most precious moments, like precious seconds when time stopped, when he felt loved and safe from everything. 

Today had been a difficult day for both of them, the case was one of those cases whose happy ending left a taste of ashes, even though on paper it was a victory for the prosecutor's office and the chief of police. Even though the perpetrator was locked up and could do no more harm. But there was irreparable collateral damage. Damage that Sonny and Rafael could do nothing about. Sonny had had the satisfaction of taking the fingerprints of the culprit and being a little brutal with him in doing so. He still shivered at the thought that it was the victim's own uncle who had assaulted her. He was so proud and happy to be an uncle, he couldn't understand why a man would do such an atrocity. He had called his sister Teresa right afterwards to check up on Mia, to reassure himself. 

Rafael had inherited the most terrible task in Sonny's eyes. The young man, whom they had presumed guilty at the beginning of the case, had died as a result of torture inflicted by the victim's father. Rafael had to tell the mother that the person responsible for her son's death would not be punished.

Sonny knew that this was going to be one of those evenings for both of them where they would look for solace in each other.

He knew that they would spend the night clinging to each other, one seeking in the presence of the other proof that there was more than the horrors that their job showed them every day.

So when Rafael had sent him the message that he was coming home, he had prepared a light meal, he knew that neither of them would have the stomach for heavy food, he had dimmed the lights, and contrary to what one might think, no alcohol. Rafael and Sonny had long since stopped drinking on these occasions, because the respite offered by the alcohol haze was ephemeral and the awakening still brutal. 

So they had got into the habit of making herbal tea, a mixture of plants that Sonny's nonna used to make him drink long ago when he was an energetic teenager who couldn't fall asleep at night. He prepared this herbal tea, letting the smell of infusing plants spread through the open kitchen into the living room. Now he was waiting for Rafael, sitting on the couch when he heard the key turning in the lock.

He watched him enter, accomplishing the usual gestures, hanging up his coat, taking off his shoes, putting down his briefcase and walking towards Sonny, untying his tie and carelessly throwing it on the back of a chair as he passed by. This last gesture was a sign to Sonny that Rafael was far from well. Rafael never carelessly threw one of his clothing accessories anywhere. The only time he would do so was when they were getting caught up in other activities that could not leave room for order and rigor.

As Rafael continued to move forward, Sonny wanted to stand up to give him room but Rafael simply said, "Stay seated".

Sonny, stopped in his tracks, sat down where he was at the end of the couch, a little astonished.

Rafael sat down next to him, squeezed his hand briefly before lying down on the couch, his head on Sonny's lap, turned outwards. Sonny, a little confused because it was the first time their positions were reversed, did not know what to do with his hands. Then, as always in this kind of situation, he let himself be guided by his instinct and put his hand on Rafael's chest. Rafael immediately grasped it, brought it to his lips, kissed it, held it close to him and breathed a long sigh.

They stayed for long minutes like this, the silence only broken by their breathing. 

Then Rafael turned on his back and Sonny looked down on him.

Rafael raised his hand and put it gently on Sonny's cheek and said in a breath, "Thank you."

"What for, Raf?"

"For giving me this moment of peace, no questions asked. For being here."

Sonny swallowed before answering, "You know it's mutual, that you're offering me the same."

"I know that, Sonny, and you know I don't believe in fate and all those cliché notions, but I do believe that each of us is what the other needs. Before you, before us, I would have gone home and gotten knocked with a bottle of scotch and woke up the next day in worse shape than before. There will always be a 'before you', a 'before us' and an 'after'. I don't tell you this often Sonny, but you really changed my life. You put your light in all those dark places where I was drowning. They're still there, but I don't feel like the darkness is going to take me with it anymore."

Sonny, who hated being emotional in front of Rafael, couldn't hold back the tear that ran down his cheek and then Rafael's hand. 

He whispered in a broken voice, "Raf..." before leaning over and kissing Rafael. Then he straightened up again and Rafael lowered his hand and intertwined his fingers with Sonny's, and continued, "Sonny, I know that for you, too, this case has not been easy."

Sonny cut him off, "Yes, but I-"

"Let me finish, I know what it felt for you knowing the victim's uncle was capable of this, Fin told me that he'd never seen you angry like this, even though you tried to hide it. And you have a right to feel that way, you have a right." Rafael insisted, his eyes in Sonny's.

"Yeah, but I almost physically hurt this guy. Do you realize that!"

"Don't start this path of 'ifs' and 'buts'. Because in the end you stopped. And I know you always will, because that's the way you are Sonny. I wish you could see yourself at least half as well as I see you. But I also know it's part of you. So I'll keep trying to convince you of your qualities and you'll keep trying to convince me that the world is not as dark as I sometimes think it is."

Sonny could only say, "I love you."

Rafael replied, looking at him tenderly, "I know Sonny and you know that I do love you."

Then he rolled over again and this time it was Sonny's hand that ended up in Rafael's hair as Rafael's hand drew hypnotizing circles on Sonny's knee. They let the last traces of that awful day evaporate in those gestures, replacing them with the serenity and comfort they brought to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Sarah for the Beta as always <3


End file.
